Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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