ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
