i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are we still banned from the library?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
