I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
