Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
