The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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