He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
