Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
