I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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