Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
