I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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