In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
