can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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