no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
