They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
