i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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