there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize