After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
