Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
