Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize