Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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