I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
