glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
