I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
