Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
