do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
