Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
