He had one of those small greek statue penises
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize