You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
