I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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