White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
