Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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