im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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