Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
