You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
