omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
