one two three fourrrrnication!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
