butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
