Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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