you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize