one word: firstdatebathroomanal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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