seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
