margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
