The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
