why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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