I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
