What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
