summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
