hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
