do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
