I accidentally burped into my bong.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
