First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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