you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
