seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
