I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
