glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
