Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
