You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
