he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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