Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
