I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
