Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
