I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
