..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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