Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize