The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
