her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
