So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
