Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
