you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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