I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
