I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
