Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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