I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
