He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
