Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
