so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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