Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize