so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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