the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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