belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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