Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
