I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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