I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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