great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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