I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
