I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
