Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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