I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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