Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
