walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
