So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
