If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
